Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice... BEETLEJUICE!

Okay so I'm a little late on the mandatory Halloween related post but I can not let this go by. Halloween has always been and will always be my favorite holiday for the one reason that it involves mass communal dress up. Slutty costumes/silly costumes I don't care as long as I get to walk down the street in full out face make up and in character and it is widely accepted I am DOWN!

I don't think I have ever not dressed up, even when it was so not cool in middle school, social standing be damned, I was dressed up. When I was reaaaaally little I was a major girly girl and I remember my costume at age 5 as a Fairy-princess-queen-ballerina-mermaid.... I was seriously ambitious. Then as I got older, age 9-10-11 I got into be scary. I mean I may have thought I was scary, correction, I KNOW I thought I was scary but come on, when you are 70 pounds of tiny blonde freckled child, there is only so much some plastic fangs can do for the cause. Still, kids love being scary and kids love being scared. Now you will be hard pressed to get me into a horror movie but when I was little I was all about it. I remember watching The Shining, when I was 11 from behind my grandfather's big leather chair who didn't know I was there or he would have obviously kicked me out of the room. I know there are exceptions on both sides here, but generally speaking, I wonder why we lose our love of fear?

You may be thinking, oh hell no, when I was little I was SO not into scary stuff but come on, did you ever play light as a feather/stiff as a board? The game where one person is "dead" and you tell a story about how they died and then everyone puts two fingers underneath the person on all sides and start chanting "light as a feather/stuff as aboard," while raising the person up until they allegedly, levitate. I never had the levitation thing happen but come on.. that is kind of creepy shit for a bunch of 8 year old girls in floral pajamas to be into after watching A Little Princess, on VHS... right?

I remember after the first time I saw Beetlejuice I lied in bed at night once the lights were out and I whispered it.. "Beetlejuice"... "Beetlejuice".... (squirm with anticipation) "BEETLEJUICE." I did this many times after that and it was almost a bed time routine. I was always a little afraid he would pop into my room and then I'd be in trouble.

Or Bloody Mary! Did you ever hear that one? That if you look into the mirror at midnight and say "Bloody Mary," three times she (I don't even know who she really is.. I just pictured something like Carrie...) would come through the mirror and kill you and then drag you with her back through the mirror into... I don't know really... but it wouldn't be good. Well I tried it, multiple times, no luck.

When I was in 3rd grade my friend told me that if I said "hell" three times I was going there for SURE. So of course, I said it, waiting to be whisked off the playground by some demon but again no go. Maybe that one only applies after death... so if I end up in some fiery Bosch-like afterlife I will surely curse my daring 3rd grade self.

Kids are often really fascinated with death. As much as I tested the waters with all this superstition, I was also terrified that I would die in my sleep. Children don't really understand the concepts of consciousness and this is a common fear. I had those little Mexican worry dolls and every night I would put one under my bed and tell the doll my worry, that I would die in my sleep, and she would keep me safe.

As we grow older fears like this subside as we begin to understand our conscious existence and the idea that we continue to exist even when not fully conscious. With more life experience we also become aware of the fragility of our existence and grasp the permanence of death that is incomprehensible as a young child. Some researchers have shown that children do not fully grasp the permanence of death until about age 11. As we grow older we try and integrate our lives into something bigger and more lasting than our mortal selves. We strive to leave legacy, have children, develop faith, connect to a god, connect to our communities to become something larger and more lasting and more resistant to our mortality. This is all part of a theory called Terror Management Theory that was actually pioneered by one of my professors. I recommend you look it up if this interests you. The main point is I think there is less of love of fear as we age, because that fear holds more meaning as we become more aware of our own transience.

But let's not get too morbid shall we? I still do the Beetlejuice thing sometimes...

Restraining Order

Just another Tuesday at the office. What did I do at work?
Ya know, went in, checked my e-mail, got strapped to a mattress frame by 18 other employees.

Okay, it was not just another day at the office, it was the mandatory safety and restraint hospital training for anyone who works directly with patients. Restraints are a technique that were used much more frequently in psychiatric hospitals up until about 20 years ago. I know when people picture someone who's "crazy," the image of someone in a solitary padded room or strapped to a bed often comes to mind because that is what has been shown in so many movies. However, this is really an uncommon practice now, and that is mainly because so much paperwork has to be filed for insurance purposes when any kind of restraint (could be just as simple holding someone's arms down and walking them to their room) is performed.


So it is Tuesday around 1:00 and everyone is sleepy from lunch and tired and bored and we have to get up and learn how to use the 4 point (wrists and ankles) cuff restraints and of course they need a body to do this on so after waiting 3 or 4 seconds while everyone avoids eye contact with the instructors, I volunteer. I have to lie down on this "mattress" which is more like a gym mat and the other 18 people in the room alternate holding me down, cuffing me and tying the leather cuffs to the mattress frame with what are basically leather belts. I was listening to them as they all did this and a few comments were "this is so creepy," and "this is like a nightmare." I have to say, as someone who was fully conscious and aware of what was happening and in a training environment that was not remotely high stress, it was freakin creepy. Having people you don't know, hold you down and realizing how little you can do in that situation and being unable to really keep up with who is doing what and where, it made me a little anxious. From that, it's still very hard for me to imagine what it would be like if I was not fully able to understand what was happening and if everyone was totally serious and the tension was high.

There is a lot of negativity towards the mental health practitioners for doing these restraints. They are usually portrayed as cruel and unnecessary and even torturous. Let me just say, as someone who has had to perform a variety of different kinds of holding restraints (not using any sort of stretcher/cuffs) that they can be necessary. For example, when you have a patient who is psychotic and clawing at her face and completely out of touch with reality, if you don't intervene that patient can seriously hurt herself. Usually restraints are done (at least from what I have seen and from how I personally believe they should be used) to intervene when the patient is a harm to him/herself, and on occasion when a patient is a serious threat to another patient or staff. As much as I like to paint a picture that mental health is not as scary as it is made out to be, those movies don't come from nothing and these situations do happen, usually on more acute units. Note: they do NOT happen at every hospital and they do not happen on every unit at every hospital and this should in no way be the predominant image in your mind of what mental illness looks like, I cannot say that enough. Where I work, they are performed on some units and so all staff have to learn them. First, we learn about a million different ways to try to verbally distract the patient or calm him/her down without any kind of touch. But on the occasion that does not work we learn the restraints.

If I had my way I would order everyone who potentially has to do a restraint get restrained. I don't think you can be as good surgeon if you don't know what it is like to go under the knife. I don't think you can be as good a doctor if you don't know what it's like to be really sick. Of course we can't all share the same experiences, and I think for some reason people find mental health issues the hardest to relate to. Actually I believe the reason is because these issues are actually the easiest to relate to and that threatens the idea that people have, that they are in complete control of their bodies, minds and emotions. So convince themselves that mental illness is something bigger and scarier and more overblown that it really is so that they can believe that it could never ever possibly develop within them. I think people have less empathy with mental health and illness than with physical health and illness because of this and so I think as practitioners we have to go the extra mile to try and empathize that much more.

So go ahead and question my sanity, I do often enough, but I was glad I had that experience.

Friday night

photo credit-me


Wooooo Friday night!!

I have always been a social gal, I like hanging out with people. Recently, I switched out my Friday 9-5 research shift for a 3-11 evening shift on the adolescent girls residential program at the hospital. Was I a bit worried that I would regret sacrificing my Friday evenings... hell yes... but I was absolutely positive that gaining some direct patient time and decreasing some quality time with my computer screen would be an upgrade.

The first couple shifts were great. The other staff were all incredibly cool and I was surprised by the girls. I had worked in a more severe unit before and these girls are all transitioning, getting ready to go home but just stopping in for a "tune up," as I heard it often called. My first day I say girls with shoe laces and elastic waist bands and headphones and panicked thinking of all the gruesome ways these things could be used to self harm... I think I visibly jumped when one of the staff handed a girl a pair of scissors for a crafts project. I was on high alert as my previous training had molded me to be, so it took some time for me to relax and get used to this new patient group. I have to say, working with this psych stuff does kind of make you crazy. I mean when you see someone wearing headphones and the first thing you think is "oh my god, she is going to hang herself with those from her closet beam..." that's kinda messed up.

Well, really this is just the tip of the iceberg folks. I called my Mom two weekends ago coming home from work and the conversation went something like this,

"Mom I just had the best night ever!!"
"That's great honey, what happened?"
"I WENT TO AA!"
...pause...
"Ok, I know this is you, and I know there is an explanation here, but this is not exactly the normal tone that accompanies that statement, you do realize this yes?"
"I KNOW BUT IT WAS SO COOL!"
"Ok.. I need to go to bed, but I am glad... you had fun."
"Thanks! "


Truly, I cannot even explain what it was like to you because the actions themselves are simple and everyone knows them. You read from the big blue book and you go around and say what you got out of it or how it related to you and your story. This group was all women and it was so cool to see this little secret community. Mental illness, in all forms, I think can be really isolating and I think group therapy approaches can be a really cool way to break out of that and that is essentially what AA is about.

So I didn't really give up my Friday nights, don't worry, I'm still out being social, just not having any cocktails.

Today's entry was brought to you by the letter Y...

Okay, in case my post Keeping Up with The Jones', bummed you out, and you read that article about the weird twenty-something decade of postponed adulthood and thought, wow... at least I'm not the only one but damn. And in case you are now daydreaming about your childhood days and how simple they were, hanging out and watching Sesame St, long before complex computer animated cartoons came into play... I have found something that might just solve all your problems (well at least the two specific aforementioned problems).

http://jezebel.com/5646999/twentysomethings-need-their-own-sesame-street

Enjoy, YipYip!

Land without technology- Epilogue

Okay... so... I must make another concession on the topic of technology being the downfall of all that is good and right in the world. Also... if it's not reading across, I am definitely being sarcastic here, as there are numerous benefits from technology at large. My harping is mainly focused on the preservation of creative thinking in young children while their innate developmental tendencies allow for it to such a florid extent. But, New York Times, you bring up some interesting ideas with this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/19/magazine/19video-t.html?pagewanted=2&_r=3&ref=general&src=me

While this is still not tackling my issue of fostering organically generated creative abstract thought, it does make an interesting case for ways the mass appeal of extremely reinforcing video games can be harnessed and used to benefit kids. I guess I am now wondering why this hasn't been utilized to a larger degree sooner? Educational tech games have been around a while. I know when I was a kid, I could spend hours on Math Blaster... does anyone else remember that computer game? It was awesome, and believe me when I say, me describing anything related to math as "awesome," is a rarity.

I think one of the major important parts of this article, was mentioning how testing is such a scary huge deal, you pass or you fail, live or die. Those tests are so stressful for kids and teachers alike and I think they really take away from the purpose of learning. While as the article mentions, some people feel kids should learn for the sake of it, not through games, kids aren't learning from the sake of it now, they are learning for the sake of the exam and isn't that even worse? I don't see the benefits of learning out of fear and pressure and stress rather than out of fun and enjoyment and enthusiasm. I think there is something to be said for the forgiveness of mistakes that is taught in video games. Sure you may die a gory death but you get to try again, sure maybe a few levels back... maybe all over again, but the point is you get to learn from mistakes and go back and that is a really valuable lesson.

I still don't think this is an IDEAL system to implement and I think age restrictions for tech based learning should be put in place. To me, that video of a two-year old smoking was just as scary as videos of two-year olds playing with ipads. But, I do think maybe there can be a happy medium.

While we're on this, can someone design a video game for GRE prep? It's a little late for me now, but I could have really used a dopamine rush during my studying a few months ago. I don't wish that kind of hell on anyone.

Big fat cartoon tears

photo by Urbancitylife- http://www.flickr.com/photos/breakingsights/


Did you see Toy Story 3 this summer? Well I did and if you didn't then you missed out my friend. Boyfriend and I went in proudly with our 3D glasses and slushy (regrettable choice) braced to be surrounded by a massive crowd of 10 and unders, but we were relieved/surprised to find that there were plenty of other twenty-somethings already there. Boyfriend wasn't as surprised I don't think, but he is an unabashed cartoon lover so it hardly made a difference to him either way. Anyways, we loved the movie, and I got all choked up more times than I want to publicly admit to. Boyfriend did too, but he is also an unabashed sap so he won't care that I'm calling him out (right?).

This week we watched Le ballon rouge (The Red Balloon). It's an older French short film that I had been meaning to watch for a while and finally got around to. Basically, it's a very simple film with almost no dialogue and the main characters are a boy and his balloon. It was so heart-breakingly pure, that's the best way I could describe it. Of course it involves some imagination to get swept up in the story of a balloon loving a boy. But still, the idea that such a simple object could illicit so much emotional response was really intriguing to me.

Okay, so if you haven't seen Toy Story 3, I hope you have seen at least some Pixar movie in your lifetime a. because they are great and b. because I'm going to keep referencing them for the duration of this post.

I started thinking about the other movies they have made that surround typically inanimate objects, mainly Wall-E since that is another one we have watched again recently. How an animated robot can elicit such a strong emotional response from people, kids and adults and of course it does this because it has been given human traits for us to connect with. It's not like we are connecting with a plain aluminum box that just sits there... like a box. Anthropomorphism and the reaction it draws from a subject is really interesting to me because I don't really understand the evolutionary background behind it. I assume that it's not something that was developed as an intentional asset of its own accord, but rather is simply the brain generalizing the perception of traits we have been conditioned to pick up on in humans. We know we are looking at a robot, but what we see are emotions that have been crafted into a mechanical face, we stop seeing the machine and just register these facial cues.

Okay, so then what about the red balloon? Even without human expressions an object can display emotion through action, even when restricted to the vague actions allotted to a balloon... like floating/rising/falling/speeding up/hanging still/and SPOILER ALERT: popping (come on.. like you didn't know that would happen?). Sure, in this scenario we have the attachment of the boy to the balloon to respond to as well, and reading the attachment he displays helps convey what the balloon cannot.

Okay then, back to Pixar, the very beginning clip of the lamp jumping on the I. We connect to A LAMP people... and I tip my hat to you Pixar, for making us all a little bit crazy for having an emotional response to a desk lamp. Obviously Ikea thought this was pretty funny to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIJOE9jNcM

I just find it interesting how easy it is for us to connect to the most subtle human cues of emotion when they are displayed on inanimate objects and yet, we seem to have such a hard time picking up on these things with other people. It's like we get distracted by all of the other aspects of connecting with another person that we are too busy processing simultaneously, that we miss the crucial points.

So after my rant on how video games and media are ruining the world, let me clarify, PIXAR is exempt from those statements.

I remember when I was little I was pretty much bored by any show that involved real people. There was too much dialogue and I just tuned out. I loved cartoons and animation and I think this speaks pretty generally for most kids these days. It's interesting to me that something simpler would be MORE captivating to children. When I did watch kids shows with real people, they would always really exaggerate their facial expressions, watch a clip of Sesame Street and you'll see what I mean. Old school cartoons, whether they involved inanimate objects, animals, or people, all involved really overly emotive characters and it makes sense that kids would latch on to that in order to learn these cues. Now however, animation is very different. Rather than being simple exaggerated subjects, they are extremely complex and over the top and I think we really lost something there (minus you Pixar).

Okay, my point is, if we have this amazing ability to generalize and perceive emotive facial cues imposed onto objects even if this is just a messy side effect from the evolution of this ability, you'd think that we would be stellar at picking up on these with other humans, right? I think the fact is that we ARE really good with this with other humans but we let other things get in the way.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. Malcolm Gladwell, think so too and he wrote a book called Blink, which you might be interested in reading. That is, unless this whole post to you was a waste of eye muscle movement aside from the funny Ikea commercial. In which case, I suggest you go watch Le ballon rouge and I DARE you not to have an emotional response.

Status: Keeping up with the Jones'

image- Le Love
Ok, so not to continue to rip on technology while.. you know... writing on a blog... on a computer... I'm a hypocrite ok, accept it and let's move forward or we're never going to get through this entry.

But seriously, I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I have a hunch that I am not the only person out there who spends a few too many hours a week on Facebook perusing... (ok stalking) her friends/acquaintances. Does this sound familiar? Raise those hands higher and repeat after me "My name is ______ and I am a Facebook-aholic." But really, why do we do this?

I started thinking about it and about how I FEEL when I look at Facebook, what it is I am looking to find and what keeps me checking in. If you read one of the articles linked in the previous post you would know one theory of how reinforcing these little internet check points are, how they might actually be re-wiring (I hate how vague that term is.. but you know what I mean) our reward systems and decreasing our patience. I don't entirely disagree with this, but I was thinking a bit more and I have perhaps a more tangible theory on some of the detriments of Facebook.

What are we looking for? Or rather, what are we putting out there? Photos of happy times with friends, of new apartments, of playful pets, of raging parties and famous concerts, of delicious food and new babies and weddings. What are we posting? Status updates of new jobs, of relationships being built, of visits with family and travel plans, of weekends well-spent and announcements of new projects.

So what AREN'T we posting? Photos of us when we wake up in the morning, when we're hungover, when we're sick, when we don't feel like going to work, when we are folding laundry or judging ourselves in the mirror. We don't announce breakups and often avoid even posting true relationship status for fear of the dreaded "____ is no longer in a relationship," newsfeed. We don't announce deaths of family and how awful they are, we don't announce being fired, we don't announce feeling depressed, feeling anxious, feeling lost.

Who is on Facebook? Mainly, people in the twenties. People who are in college, or recently out or are somewhat new to the working world. I just can't imagine that alllllllll of us on this network have it all together at this point. Yet, look at what we put out there, how would anyone know otherwise?

How do we connect to friends these days? A lot of it, is on Facebook. There are fewer phone calls and more messages sent, fewer voice mails and more texts. Do you remember what your friendships were like in middle school and high school in the pre-Facebook era (for those who remember)? Well I know at least for me, my friends were my friends because they were the people I could go to when I had a problem, when I was upset about something and needed to talk it out.

I think that Facebook has set some new norms for our friendships and for us as individuals. We don't communicate directly as often and what we do put out there is so positive positive positive, that if you feel anything but, it feels like a failure. It's hard to keep up with the Jones' when the Jones' seem to only to go on lovely trips, have adorable babies that never cry according to photo documentation, eat delicious meals, never work since there is no evidence to show otherwise and have perky put together status updates dripping from your iphone at all times.

Ok, and I know I am just as guilty of this as anyone (I'm a hypocrite, remember, you accepted it a few paragraphs back too late now!). But honestly, why WOULD we post anything else? Putting cries for help out there aren't really effective even if we had the guts to put it out there. What do you get back, a little icon that says "_____ likes this" to your "I am feeling emotionally sound for the first time all week," status? The pay off for taking the risk of putting out such a vulnerable statement into the masses, just isn't worth it.

So, do I think this is going to change? No. Am I going to start posting when I feel sad, or hopeless, or like I have no idea what I am doing with my life (and as a 23 year-old, I'm probably going to feel this way from time to time for... a while...see this New York Times article for reasons as to why- http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html- see I'm normal!...)? No. When people do put out those kinds of status updates do I think to myself, I wish they would call someone and talk about it rather than a half-hearted invitation to no one in particular to reach out? Yes. But do I reach out to them? No. Because it's so hard to tell whether people actually want those things acknowledged or if it is a way of venting semi-anonymously that is what makes it appealing. Maybe reaching out would be over-stepping the fourth wall that is put up with a screen. So the barriers of tech-communication are laid and we try to clumsily navigate them as the pioneer generation of the technological new world.

I just wanted to point it out as something to keep in the back of your head. Next time your newsfeed seems particularly sugar-coated and you're wondering why you're the only one who seems to be struggling amidst all the smiling faces just remember that you're not. If you need further proof, just read some blogs, those are always whiny and annoying right? Anyways, the Jones' were probably overcompensating train wrecks.