Status: Keeping up with the Jones'

image- Le Love
Ok, so not to continue to rip on technology while.. you know... writing on a blog... on a computer... I'm a hypocrite ok, accept it and let's move forward or we're never going to get through this entry.

But seriously, I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I have a hunch that I am not the only person out there who spends a few too many hours a week on Facebook perusing... (ok stalking) her friends/acquaintances. Does this sound familiar? Raise those hands higher and repeat after me "My name is ______ and I am a Facebook-aholic." But really, why do we do this?

I started thinking about it and about how I FEEL when I look at Facebook, what it is I am looking to find and what keeps me checking in. If you read one of the articles linked in the previous post you would know one theory of how reinforcing these little internet check points are, how they might actually be re-wiring (I hate how vague that term is.. but you know what I mean) our reward systems and decreasing our patience. I don't entirely disagree with this, but I was thinking a bit more and I have perhaps a more tangible theory on some of the detriments of Facebook.

What are we looking for? Or rather, what are we putting out there? Photos of happy times with friends, of new apartments, of playful pets, of raging parties and famous concerts, of delicious food and new babies and weddings. What are we posting? Status updates of new jobs, of relationships being built, of visits with family and travel plans, of weekends well-spent and announcements of new projects.

So what AREN'T we posting? Photos of us when we wake up in the morning, when we're hungover, when we're sick, when we don't feel like going to work, when we are folding laundry or judging ourselves in the mirror. We don't announce breakups and often avoid even posting true relationship status for fear of the dreaded "____ is no longer in a relationship," newsfeed. We don't announce deaths of family and how awful they are, we don't announce being fired, we don't announce feeling depressed, feeling anxious, feeling lost.

Who is on Facebook? Mainly, people in the twenties. People who are in college, or recently out or are somewhat new to the working world. I just can't imagine that alllllllll of us on this network have it all together at this point. Yet, look at what we put out there, how would anyone know otherwise?

How do we connect to friends these days? A lot of it, is on Facebook. There are fewer phone calls and more messages sent, fewer voice mails and more texts. Do you remember what your friendships were like in middle school and high school in the pre-Facebook era (for those who remember)? Well I know at least for me, my friends were my friends because they were the people I could go to when I had a problem, when I was upset about something and needed to talk it out.

I think that Facebook has set some new norms for our friendships and for us as individuals. We don't communicate directly as often and what we do put out there is so positive positive positive, that if you feel anything but, it feels like a failure. It's hard to keep up with the Jones' when the Jones' seem to only to go on lovely trips, have adorable babies that never cry according to photo documentation, eat delicious meals, never work since there is no evidence to show otherwise and have perky put together status updates dripping from your iphone at all times.

Ok, and I know I am just as guilty of this as anyone (I'm a hypocrite, remember, you accepted it a few paragraphs back too late now!). But honestly, why WOULD we post anything else? Putting cries for help out there aren't really effective even if we had the guts to put it out there. What do you get back, a little icon that says "_____ likes this" to your "I am feeling emotionally sound for the first time all week," status? The pay off for taking the risk of putting out such a vulnerable statement into the masses, just isn't worth it.

So, do I think this is going to change? No. Am I going to start posting when I feel sad, or hopeless, or like I have no idea what I am doing with my life (and as a 23 year-old, I'm probably going to feel this way from time to time for... a while...see this New York Times article for reasons as to why- http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html- see I'm normal!...)? No. When people do put out those kinds of status updates do I think to myself, I wish they would call someone and talk about it rather than a half-hearted invitation to no one in particular to reach out? Yes. But do I reach out to them? No. Because it's so hard to tell whether people actually want those things acknowledged or if it is a way of venting semi-anonymously that is what makes it appealing. Maybe reaching out would be over-stepping the fourth wall that is put up with a screen. So the barriers of tech-communication are laid and we try to clumsily navigate them as the pioneer generation of the technological new world.

I just wanted to point it out as something to keep in the back of your head. Next time your newsfeed seems particularly sugar-coated and you're wondering why you're the only one who seems to be struggling amidst all the smiling faces just remember that you're not. If you need further proof, just read some blogs, those are always whiny and annoying right? Anyways, the Jones' were probably overcompensating train wrecks.